Halloween, 2005

If this kid shows up for trick-or-treating, DO NOT open the door.


-I took my son out trick-or-treating last night. He made off with a pretty good haul, and I think he was pleased. Of course, he couldn't eat any of it until I had time to take it home and "check it out" to make sure it was "safe".

I always thought growing up that the whole parental checking of the candy was a sham. I mean, were they my parents or the fucking border patrol? It just seemed a little off that they would let the neighbors babysit us, but we couldn't eat the prepackaged candy they gave us, because it might have razor blades in it.

But now that I am a parent, I can see the beauty of this plan. You scare the kids with the whole "everyone is out to get you" scenario, then you use the opportunity to take things from them, all under the guise of safety and protection. Maybe my parents weren't the border patrol after all. They were obviously president of the United States.

- I had lunch at the same Chinese restaurant I mentioned last week (where I saw Irene) and some of the cooks were eating lunch at one of the booths. One of the guys, I bona fide Chinese gentleman, was eating some sort of wettish rice dish. And I am here to tell you, that fucker was moving some real estate. I have never seen someone eat as quickly as this guy was. He was a machine. The whole scene was like a horrendous car crash. You know shouldn't look, but you can't help yourself.

And what happened that caused all of these Chinese restaurants to be almost exclusively staffed by Mexicans? Here is the formula that has been used recently: hire three Asians, one to work the register and two to serve, and fill the kitchen with Mexicans.

I know there are a lot of Mexican immigrants that are looking for work, but are Chinese restaurants the only ones that are hiring? I need to look into this. It could be a matter of national security.

-I caught the movie Brighton Beach Memoirs again the other night. It is a movie based on the Neil Simon play of the same name. It tells the story of a working class family living in Brooklyn in 1937.

Jonathan Silverman is brilliantly cast as the main character, Eugene Morris Jerome. He is a teenager coming to grips with tension among the family due to money problems, always feeling like the black sheep, and the sudden surge of hormones that accompany puberty. It is truly a "coming of age" tale.

Blythe Danner plays the mother (Kate) , and Judith Ivey is Kate's sister Ruth, who has been forced to move in with the Jerome's along with her two daughters following the death of her husband. The writing is witty and endearing. Even though the film is set 70 years ago, a lot of the issues and problems being dealt with are still very applicable today. All in all, a damn good movie. I would also recommend the "follow up" (loosely, not technically a sequel), Biloxi Blues. This film, also adapted from a Neil Simon play, has Matthew Broderick as Eugene Jerome, and also features Christopher Walken and Penelope Ann Miller. Both are great films.

-Today I would like to unveil a new feature here at Thurman The Mole. Because I am always striving to make your experience first class, baby.

First, a little background info. I have a friend that everybody knows simply as Big Dave. He is known far and wide for his words of Confucius-like wisdom. I have decided to bless you all with what will heretofore be known as "Big Dave's Words of Wisdom."

Let me also say that thurmanthemole.com or any of it's subsidiaries are not responsible for the views and opinions expressed by Big Dave.

Big Dave is also available for speaking engagements and company parties. You can reach him at ThurmanTheMole@insightbb.com.

Big Dave's Words of Wisdoms 1.1

Big Dave was sent via email an article from a women's magazine from 1958 the "rules" for being a good wife and how to treat your husband. Some of the items were quite dated, such as "If your husband stays out all night, when he gets home do not ask him where he's been." Or, "do not talk to your husband as soon as he gets home. Let him unwind and have a drink before you say anything to him."

After telling me about this article, Dave imparted his Zen-like wisdom to me:

"See, that's what's wrong with this country. We need to get back to the old days. Back when women knew their place. When it was all about blowjobs and meatloaf."

There are some things a man just cannot argue with. Pass the meatloaf.