......she said "Me too, mine's as big as a house!"

I am but another in a long line of handsome Sweet men.


I haven't slept much since..........August, so be prepared for a whole lot of suck. What do you expect for the price? Here we go..................


- I won a poker tournament this weekend. Actually, I got to heads up and we split it. But it was a moral victory.

I think I have a serious gambling addiction. I will bet on almost anything and have been known to lose from time to time. Now, I have never once spent the grocery money gambling or anything, but I'm teetering on that slippery slope. Maybe I should get some help!?!?!?

Who asked you.

- Christmas is just around the corner, and it got me to thinking. Why is it when we were young, we would always be disappointed when we got clothes for Christmas? It is one of the most practical gifts you can receive. You wear clothes every day. And at a young age, you grow out of things and have to have new ones. I think kids work under the premise that parents have a separate "budget" for clothing that they are constitutionally required to fulfill. That means that Christmas is all about toys and games.

But now that I am older, I notice that I want (and still need) clothes. My wife and I still buy each other gifts. Heck, just a couple of years ago she bought me a PlayStation2. But I actually look forward to Christmas, because that is one of the two times a year that I buy clothes.

Yep. I am on the bi-annual clothes buying schedule. Women are more on the weekly (or at least monthly) schedule. But I, I get to go twice a year. Father's Day and Christmas. So far it has worked out pretty well. I get my fall-winter clothes on Father's Day, and my spring-summer clothes at Christmas. And all of this I get done in roughly twenty minutes a trip. In, out, thank you and goodbye.

Yes, the schedule works like a well oiled machine. Now, if we can just keep global warming from coming along and fucking everything up, I'll be just fine.

- Speaking of buying things, that's exactly what I do. I don't shop. I don't compare. I identify a need, devise a plan, and execute that plan with surgical precision. I have never once showed up and thought "damn, what color should I get this drill in. Will it go with my red pumps?"

Women, on the other hand, shop. My wife can leave the house for 48 straight hours with her mother, and return with nothing. I always say "I thought you were going shopping." And her response is always "We did."

I cannot fathom walking around for an entire day, at some glorified shrine to capitalistic gluttony, and come out empty handed. Hitting myself in the groin with a ballpeen hammer sounds like a better alternative. But, she seems to enjoy it. I have certain stores that I go to, and if they don't have what I need, I obviously don't really need it. Who am I to question the wisdom of Walmartius, the Roman god of discount retail.

And speaking of Wal-Mart, what in the hot buttered hell goes on there at night. I have had to make emergency trips to our local 24 hour Wally World to pick up, uhhhhh, prophylactic devices, and have been stuck behind people buying groceries, kitchen wares, fabric, and fucking lamps. Who in the hell buys lamps at 2 in the morning? And don't tell me "People who work ___ shift. Even those people buy lamps at normal hours. I think they are just fucking weird people.

But I feel at home in Wal-Mart. Maybe it's because seeing all of these sloppy, in-bred lamp buyers makes me feel better about myself. I would much rather stare at the hairy asscrack of the poorly groomed mountain man in front of me in line at Wal-Mart than to see all the uppity fucks at Target. I must have missed the memo telling the world that Target was now "cool". I guess since they used U2 in one of their ads, they are now hip. God damn U2.



Well, I think I've bitched enough for today. Not sure how the rest of the week will go. We have a surveyor here at work deciding if we maintain our national accreditation and can stay open or not, so we'll have to play it by ear. That okay with you? I thought so. See you folks later. I gotta go buy some lamps.