"Open The Fuckin' Canned Peaches"

- Man, it's been a while since I have posted anything here. It seems like life has this uncanny ability to get in the way, ya know? I keep telling myself that I will make an effort to truly turn this into an award winning site. And then reruns of the World Series of Poker come on, and I'm distracted again. All day long I am on the computer and the phone, so when I finally get home I have very little desire to use the computer for anything that isn't porn related.

- Speaking of computers, I just got a new one. This sumbitch hums, baby. It's a Dell, so now I can say that I am one of the Dell-ites out there. This is the first machine I have ever had that I or someone I knew did not make. I am very pleased with it, and highly recommend them to everyone. I got the E510 Media Center Edition. I would suggest you do the same. Right now.

- My wife and I just finished up a major home improvement project. We decided to rip the century-old carpet (exaggerated, but just a little) up, and restore the hardwood floors beneath. The results were..........fan-fucking-tastic. I couldn't be happier. We had some "pros" come and look at it, and said that they would do it for $1400. That was a great price, but we ended up doing it for half that. And our marriage surived and everything!

I am not the best person in the world with whom to undertake such an endeavor. I am a little......shall we say, emotional at times. When things aren't going well, I tend to get a bit annoyed. And this had trouble written all over it. But, as I said we made it through, and I think we are better people for it. I have to give a mad shout-out to Christy and Travis. Without their help, we would never have seen the completion of the project. You guys rock.

- Football season is only 6 weeks away. I can hardly wait. My beloved Steelers will be back to defend their championship, and I have three fantasy football teams to draft. I just had to adjust myself. I am that excited. Of course pudding causes the same reaction. Figure that one out, Mr. Freud.

- Are you ready boys and girls? It's time for Big Dave's Quote Of The Week!!!!!!! Now settle the fuck down:

"You see, I shave my back and wax my balls, because if you want a girl, you have to minimize your nastiness."

You hear that? That's the sound of panties dropping everywhere.

- To finish up this steaming pile of dung, I have submitted for your approval the newest top ten list. This week's topic: Top Ten Starting Quarterbacks In The NFL for 2006

10. Michael Vick - Atlanta Falcons: Say what you want about him, but he is easily the most athletically gifted player in the NFL. He has a cannon for an arm, and runs like a cheetah with it's ass on fire. He makes poor decisions and his throwing angle is unorthodox, but he can break one out at any time. Consistency is the key in the NFL, and if he ever learns that, he could be one of the best.

9. Ben Roethlisberger - Pittsburgh Steelers: No single QB in the last twenty years has created as much debate as Big Ben. Two seasons, two Conference Championship starts, 25-4 as starter, one SB ring. He is solid, doesn't make mistakes that cost his team games (ahem, Tommy Maddox), and is perfect for the system that he is in. Is he great, or just an average QB surrounded by good players. As I said, consistency is the key, and he is consistent. The only reason he isn't ranked higher is his lack of experience in comparison with some of the others on this list.

8. Trent Green - Kansas City Chiefs: The epitome of consistency, and the word professionalism personified. It seems like he plays one game, and just photo copies it each week. He has done a good job with very little help from his receiving corps. He is a leader, and shows poise in the pocket. Most of his interceptions are tipped balls from his woefully average receivers, and he uses the pass perfectly to set up their bread and butter: the running game. He is at the twilight of his career, but he is still one of the top 10 QB's in the league.

7. Matt Hasselbeck - Seattle Seahawks: Very consistent, good poise in the pocket. Started out as a disciple of Brett Favre. Does everything well, nothing great. He too makes good decisions and led the Seahawks, the Fucking Seahawks!, to a Super Bowl. Another perfect player for the system that he is in. Mike Holmgren is the perfect coach for him. He should have another five very productive years in Seattle.

6. Carson Palmer - Cincinnati Bengals: This guy is a player. After sitting for an entire season, and not complaining ONCE, he stepped in and made the Bengals respectable for the first time in 15 years. He has good arm strength and pinpoint precision. He is one of the smarter QB's in the league. He meshes well with a very brash, outspoken receiving corps. He also is one of the few Bengals without a rap sheet. If he fully recovers from knee surgery, he could be at the top of this list in 5 years.

5. Donovan McNabb - Philadelphia Eagles: From being booed on Draft Day, to being one of the best QB's in the league, McNabb has had a rockier road than most top-notch quarterbacks. He has been successful even when the Eagles had no running game, and a sub-par receiving corps. His lover's spat with Terrell Owens will merely be a speed bump in his career when all is said and done. McNabb is tough and plays hurt a lot, a-la-Steve McNair. He has average arm strength, but is better on the run than some of the other top-ranked QB's. If Philly would invest in a RB and make even a modest upgrade at receiver, McNabb could get his ring.

4. Jake DelHomme - Carolina Panthers: I love this guy. Small town, aww-shucks attitude with major league talent. The modern day Terry Bradshaw. He is 5-2 in the postseason, and his performance in his first and only Super Bowl (323 yds, 4TD's) was nothing short of spectacular. He is complimented by one of the best receivers in the NFL in Steve Smith, and his ability to stay calm in the pocket has led to his success. Might end up being one of the best two-minute QB's of all time, along with Montana, Favre and Elway.

3. Brett Favre - Green Bay Packers: He has fought through a lot of adversity in his career, with the loss of his father, addiction to pain killers, the loss of his brother-in-law, and the destruction of his mother's home in Hurricane Katrina. Through all of this adversity, he has managed to be one of the most successful QB's in the history of the game. Two SB appearances, one ring. Mr. Clutch. He had a terrible season last year, but he was expected to do it all. He is tough as nails, and is still one of the most down to earth people you will ever meet. I love him. I hope he plays ten more years. (Trivia: Who was on the receiving end of his very first complete pass? Himself - it was tipped and he caught it!)

2. Peyton Manning - Indianapolis Colts: He is one of the most prolific passers in the history of the game. He is able to make split-second decisions and seemingly impossible throws with pinpoint accuracy. Manning has been lights out in the regular season, but his postseason resume is lacking. Like the old golf adage goes, "you drive for show, but putt for dough", I can only hope Manning's putter is better than his postseason performances.

1. Tom Brady - New England Patriots: He is the best QB in the NFL today. Be it stats, postseason record, or number of Mens' Magazine covers one has graced, he is tops. Always cool and calm, a great leader, good arm, and terrific judgment, Tom Brady is the best overall QB. Not bad for a 6th round draft pick, who wasn't even considered the best QB on his team at Michigan. I still hate the Patriots, but you have to give props when they are deserved.


Three QB's who could be on the list very soon: Byron Leftwich - Jacksonville Jaguars; Chris Simms - Tampa Bay Bucs; Eli Manning - NY Giants


There you have it. Let the debating begin!

Mole, out.