Fuck the sun. Long live the beast.


- Ah, another fine Friday eve. It seems like this week has lasted FOR-FUCKING-EVER! I haven't been sleeping much, and I think it is starting to catch up with me. I seem to be off the entire summer because of that whole "Spring forward, fall back" clock manipulation we do each year. Damn you Benjamin Franklin. Damn you.

This morning my wife woke me up to tell me something. I had one of those sleep induced moments where you try to say something coherent, but what you actually say is either unintelligible or has absolutely nothing to do with the current conversation. I am usually one of those once I am up I am up kind of guys, but today was not one of those days.

Five years ago, I could sleep for four hours and be ready to go again. Now, I have been averaging 6 and feel like I am on autopilot. But we will get that hour back this weekend. Not a minute too soon, either. Damn, I am getting old.

- Speaking of getting old, my friends have found great pleasure in ribbing me because I am beginning to sport some pretty noticeable gray hairs. I always said that things like that would never bother me. And for the most part, I stand by that. But, it goes deeper than just the visual aspect. I mean, I am 27 years old. Gray hair to me always seemed like one of the half-way there indicators. If you go gray at 40, you live to be 80. But 27?!?!? I have always said that once I hit 75, shoot me. But 54??? That seems a tad early to me. I won't even get the kids out of the house until my mid to late 40's. I want to enjoy it, damn it.

I guess it is better than the alternative. Some guys can pull off the bald thing. I, on the other hand, am not built for such a fashion statement.

If it all goes gray, maybe I can start trying to get senior discounts at places. I'll make this profitable yet, damn it.

- I watched George A. Romero's Land of the Dead last night, and I have to say that it was a pretty damn good horror movie. Notice how I said "horror" movie. If it were held up against any other type of movie, it would be a steaming pile of crap.

That's why I like horror movies. They aren't as pretentious as other genre films. They are what they are. Dead corpses, coming back from the dead, and hunting down the living. It lays it all out there and allows you to enjoy for what it is, not what it pretends to be.

In this particular film, the zombies from the original Dawn of the Dead have been bumbling around for the last 30 years, hunting down humans and either eating them or transforming them into more zombies. A resistance force of people holed up inside of an unnamed metropolitan area have adapted and set up their own little civilization. They have to make trips outside of their "city"' to get supplies from the surrounding towns, all of which have been overrun by the living dead. The only problem is that after 30 years, these zombies have begun to adapt and evolve, and the once safe inhabitants of the city are in danger of being "invaded".

The funny thing about this movie is that after a while, you actually start to pull for the zombies because the people in the city have started hunting the zombies for sport, chaining them up and betting which of two zombies will win in a steel cage fight to the death.

Another funny thing about the movie is that even though these people are basically trapped inside the city, there is still the idea of the "haves" and the "have nots" and the tension that exists between people of different socio-economic background. Very Lord of the Flies. All of these things add up to make one hell of a good HORROR movie.

That, and you get to see someone have their face PEELED OFF of their skull! Overall, I would say that this film is worthy of the prestigious Thurman the Mole Seal of Approval.

- So, the White Sox ended 87 years of misery and won their first series since 1917. Good for them. It could have been their first since 1919, but the fuckers threw it in the whole Black Sox scandal. So last year, the Red Sox won their first since 1918, and the White Sox win their first since 1917.

Great. But what the fuck!!!! The Cubs haven't won one since 1908!!!! They lost to those same Red Sox in 1918, and haven't even been back to the series since 1945. How can a team so "steeped in baseball lore and tradition" not win for so long????

I'll tell you why. Because the Tribune Company in Chicago, the owners of the Cubs, won't go out and pay the money to get the players that they need to win a World Series. I understand that when you own a professional sports team, like any other business, you try to maximize revenue while keeping costs down. And it's because of people like me, who buy the merchadise, watch on TV and go to the games, that they do not go out and get the big guns. Wrigley Field is sold out for EVERY SINGLE GAME. It's not like they can sell any more tickets. Cubs fans are everywhere, buying the gear and supporting the team. The team they have now. The one that is not winning. Therefore, the Tribune Company has maximized profits because of douchebags like me, and kept costs by not getting the big name super stars. We haven't given them a reason to.

So basically, everyone can feel free to blame me, as unofficial scape goat, for the last 97 years of futility. You heard it here first: I am to blame for the Cubs woes. I ask for your forgiveness, and may God have mercy on my soul.



That'll do it for this fine Friday Eve. If I don't get back before it happens, I hope everyone has a great, safe Halloween. Now, I need to go write a letter to that creepy little satanist fuck. Now, how do you spell Beelzebub again?


Mole, out.

......she said "Me too, mine's as big as a house!"

I am but another in a long line of handsome Sweet men.


I haven't slept much since..........August, so be prepared for a whole lot of suck. What do you expect for the price? Here we go..................


- I won a poker tournament this weekend. Actually, I got to heads up and we split it. But it was a moral victory.

I think I have a serious gambling addiction. I will bet on almost anything and have been known to lose from time to time. Now, I have never once spent the grocery money gambling or anything, but I'm teetering on that slippery slope. Maybe I should get some help!?!?!?

Who asked you.

- Christmas is just around the corner, and it got me to thinking. Why is it when we were young, we would always be disappointed when we got clothes for Christmas? It is one of the most practical gifts you can receive. You wear clothes every day. And at a young age, you grow out of things and have to have new ones. I think kids work under the premise that parents have a separate "budget" for clothing that they are constitutionally required to fulfill. That means that Christmas is all about toys and games.

But now that I am older, I notice that I want (and still need) clothes. My wife and I still buy each other gifts. Heck, just a couple of years ago she bought me a PlayStation2. But I actually look forward to Christmas, because that is one of the two times a year that I buy clothes.

Yep. I am on the bi-annual clothes buying schedule. Women are more on the weekly (or at least monthly) schedule. But I, I get to go twice a year. Father's Day and Christmas. So far it has worked out pretty well. I get my fall-winter clothes on Father's Day, and my spring-summer clothes at Christmas. And all of this I get done in roughly twenty minutes a trip. In, out, thank you and goodbye.

Yes, the schedule works like a well oiled machine. Now, if we can just keep global warming from coming along and fucking everything up, I'll be just fine.

- Speaking of buying things, that's exactly what I do. I don't shop. I don't compare. I identify a need, devise a plan, and execute that plan with surgical precision. I have never once showed up and thought "damn, what color should I get this drill in. Will it go with my red pumps?"

Women, on the other hand, shop. My wife can leave the house for 48 straight hours with her mother, and return with nothing. I always say "I thought you were going shopping." And her response is always "We did."

I cannot fathom walking around for an entire day, at some glorified shrine to capitalistic gluttony, and come out empty handed. Hitting myself in the groin with a ballpeen hammer sounds like a better alternative. But, she seems to enjoy it. I have certain stores that I go to, and if they don't have what I need, I obviously don't really need it. Who am I to question the wisdom of Walmartius, the Roman god of discount retail.

And speaking of Wal-Mart, what in the hot buttered hell goes on there at night. I have had to make emergency trips to our local 24 hour Wally World to pick up, uhhhhh, prophylactic devices, and have been stuck behind people buying groceries, kitchen wares, fabric, and fucking lamps. Who in the hell buys lamps at 2 in the morning? And don't tell me "People who work ___ shift. Even those people buy lamps at normal hours. I think they are just fucking weird people.

But I feel at home in Wal-Mart. Maybe it's because seeing all of these sloppy, in-bred lamp buyers makes me feel better about myself. I would much rather stare at the hairy asscrack of the poorly groomed mountain man in front of me in line at Wal-Mart than to see all the uppity fucks at Target. I must have missed the memo telling the world that Target was now "cool". I guess since they used U2 in one of their ads, they are now hip. God damn U2.



Well, I think I've bitched enough for today. Not sure how the rest of the week will go. We have a surveyor here at work deciding if we maintain our national accreditation and can stay open or not, so we'll have to play it by ear. That okay with you? I thought so. See you folks later. I gotta go buy some lamps.

From The Ashes Rises The Mighty Phoenix......

Some produce just can't hold their liquor.




Guess who's back.......Back again............


- So I met a friend for lunch the other day at this little Chinese joint that we like. I don't know what it is about Chinese restaurants, but they always make me change my l's to r's (robster craws!!!), to use the phrase "cream of some young guy", and to tell one of my favorite tasteless jokes:

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen
What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene

After all the formalities were out of the way, we sat down to eat. And what do I see through the window into the parking lot? A one-legged Asian woman hopping across the way. I very nearly shot diet Pepsi out of my nostrils.

- Fall is here. I know the whole summer/fall change-over happened almost a month ago, but now the nights are cool and the leaves, they are a turnin'.

I've always liked fall. The cooler temperatures are very welcomed by a guy who is "big-boned", like myself. And the smell of wood fires starting up brings a tear to my eye. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and the long stretch of holidays and extended weekends from work are within sight. Yeah, for me it just don't get any better than the fall. Pass the turkey, please!

- I caught a marathon of this show called Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi channel earlier this week. Have you seen this show? It's about these two guys from Rhode Island or some other completely inconsequential Eastern U.S. state. They are plumbers by day, and ghost busters by night. And they are totally like Bill Murray and Dan Aakroyd. It's like the god damn movie was based on these two guys.

They have a crack squad of "supernatural phenomenon investigators" who travel around the country trying to prove if a place is haunted or not. And I have to say, they ran into some pretty eerie shit. I'm not sure if I could do something like this. I mean, what the fuck do you do, if you do find something???? "Hey there's a ghost." "Let's get the fuck out of here."

If you go hunting for deer, you want to see a deer. If you go looking for gold, you want to find gold. I'm not sure as a ghost hunter that you actually want to find what you are looking for. Which brings me to this conclusion...............I am going to become a ghost hunter in my spare time. Any body want to join, drop me a line.

-So, the NBA has a new dress code. They are calling it the "No Bling Association". And the players are whining about it. Awww, poor babies. Some of the players have even said that since they have to follow a dress code, they should receive a stipend or "clothing allowance" from the league, above and beyond what they already make. Wow, some people have some fucking nerve. If they wanted to pay me ten million dollars a year to play a fucking game, I would come to work in my underwear and an Indian headdress for Pete's sake. (Who the fuck is Pete, anyway.) Anyway, I think that what the league needs is a good ass kicking. Players running into the stands, asking for clothing allowances. The next thing you know, players will be raping women in posh Colorado hotels and getting away with it. Oh, wait...........

-Some people have said that I use the word "fuck" too much. I mean, how much is too much. To some people, if you say it once it's too much. Others, it's like once every other sentence is the limit. I think using the word "fuck" is a lot like drinking. For some, a couple will get you good and soused. For others, it takes a truck full to even catch a buzz. And like drinking, I believe gender, size and past experience play a role in how much "fuck" is acceptable. Men say it more than women. It seems big guys say it more than small ones. And having been in a fraternity, I have tons of experience with it, so it has become part of my everyday vocabulary. But, it comes down to preference. Some people don't mind it, while others do. It's what makes the world go round. So for all the people out there who don't like the "f" word.............fuck 'em.


That'll do it for today. I can't believe I was away for so long. I have a lot more to talk about, but you'll have to wait until Monday. I have to ease back into this bitch. So, in closing, fuck, fucking, fucker, fucked, fuuuuuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck, fizzuck. Amen.


Mole, out.

......she said "Me too, mine's as big as a house!"

I am but another in a long line of handsome Sweet men.


I haven't slept much since..........August, so be prepared for a whole lot of suck. What do you expect for the price? Here we go..................


- I won a poker tournament this weekend. Actually, I got to heads up and we split it. But it was a moral victory.

I think I have a serious gambling addiction. I will bet on almost anything and have been known to lose from time to time. Now, I have never once spent the grocery money gambling or anything, but I'm teetering on that slippery slope. Maybe I should get some help!?!?!?

Who asked you.

- Christmas is just around the corner, and it got me to thinking. Why is it when we were young, we would always be disappointed when we got clothes for Christmas? It is one of the most practical gifts you can receive. You wear clothes every dr 300,000 people and 33 race cars is unreal. I don’t know a better way to describe the race. In addition having a chance to walk through the pits and in the garage area was very cool. As an avid sports fan I can now say, hands down, the Indianapolis 500 is the greatest sporting event. The traffic does suck though.

Danica Patrick
Holy snikes! Could you have asked for more from a rookie. As someone relatively new to the sport I can’t believe how well she did. Not for being a woman, but as a rookie to almost win is almost unheard of. Only three men have done it before and two were former CART series winners. That says something to me. Man can she race, and by the way she is also nice to look at.

Side Note
If you’ve seen the “Pressure” promo for the Spelling Bee on ESPN/ESPN 2 or ABC, I clipped that and sent it off to ESPN while I was an intern at Lingner Group. I didn’t know exactly what they were going to edit it to look like, but wow! It turned out great. That’s all for now.t it off to ESPN while I was an intern at Lingner Group. I didn’t know exactly what they were going to edit it to look like, but wow! It turned out great. That’s all for now.